It's a ...

I've felt awkward about writing this blog since I made my pregnancy announcement. I have met so many incredible women in the infertility community, a community of which I will always be a part.

However, I know how it feels when the infertility blogger turns into the pregnant blogger or mom blogger. As much as you might connect with that person, as a member of the infertility community, it always hurts a little.

However, I can't deny the experience I have had over the last three months. They have been simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying. I have overthought everything and worried. But, I have also experienced new joys I never thought I would have the opportunity to experience.

First of all, anyone who read my blog regularly knows I am a fan of Dr. S. But, honestly, he is beyond my expectations awesome. He has helped alleviate my worries and guided J and I through the choices we have had thus far.  Every single person, especially those who have weathered infertility, should have a doctor like him.

Dr. S has made sure I have been able to enjoy my pregnancy knowing that my baby is safe and developing on schedule. So, I got to watch my little one develop via ultrasounds. I saw the kicks and punches, and he adorable bouts of hiccups. I have heard the heartbeat, something that is increasingly loud each time we hear it.

And, I have had genetic testing.

When it was first offered to me, I dismissed it off-hand. No matter what hand we are dealt, it would not change what my husband and I did with the pregnancy. But, Dr. S explained that knowing about certain genetic conditions would allow him to monitor certain aspects of my pregnancy in different ways. It would allow him to enlist the help of specialists who would be prepared to deal with any potential problems my little one might face. With that information, the decision to have genetic screening was a no-brainer.

It was incredibly simple, really. The lab tech drew a couple vials of my blood and sent it off for analysis. It was much like those monthly progesterone screens or the E2 draws I had while on the injectable drugs. It sounds like something from science fiction, but in the lab, they are able to isolate the baby's DNA within my blood. With that DNA, the folks at the lab are able to determine the probabilities of certain genetic conditions, like Down's Syndrome and several other more life threatening conditions.

So, a few weeks ago, I had the test. My blood went out for analysis and Dr. S promised to let me know as soon as he received the results. But, before we sent the sample off, he offered me one more service. With that test, I could find out if my baby is a boy or a girl. Like the good Type A I am, I immediately agreed to find out.

So, a couple of weeks ago, I got the news.  My baby isn't just "little one" or "baby Wilson."  My baby has a gender. My baby has a name.

It's a boy.

My husband and I are going to have a son.

In truth, I had absolutely no gender preference. I was more excited to find out that the tests show no evidence of genetic issues and we appear to have a healthy little boy growing.

At this point, I talk to my son by name and tell him how much I love him. He may or may not be able to hear me at this point, but that doesn't matter to me. "E" has been loved for years before I got pregnant, so I just need every opportunity to let him know.

The whole thing is still surreal. I still wake up and have to remember that I am actually pregnant. The idea that in less than six months time, I will have a son still amazes me. I am still terrified and exhilarated with each passing stage of pregnancy. But, as I said before, I will celebrate my joy as long as it lasts, and I will share that joy with all of you who walked with me through my pain and sorrow.