Too much time on my hands....

So, it's been a very long time since I posted.

Much has happened, but I've had a difficult time deciding what I should and should not share. Infertility makes me cautious like that.

However, over the last few weeks, I've gone through some things worth mentioning. It began to feel disingenuous NOT to talk about everything that is going on, being that I have been so open about my struggles with infertility. I don't think everyone on the Internet needs to know about my every waking moment, but I'm pretty sure some folks might like to know the broad strokes.

So, here goes.

The last month has been a whirlwind.

Early this year, I was interviewed by a writer from Redbook magazine about the financial aspect of infertility. I figured I might warrant a line in the article, but earlier this month, I learned I was the lead in the article. So, around the middle of the month, when the November edition of Redbook magazine hit newsstands, I got to see my interview in writing. It was pretty cool, even if it wasn't my own writing.

On October 14, I turned 35. It was a quiet day, Jeremy celebrated with me and my nieces serenaded me as is their custom. But, the reason it is worth mentioning is 35 is a landmark in pregnancy. It is the time at which Advanced Maternal Age becomes an official label. So, instead of just being infertile and pregnant, I could now tell the world I am OLD, infertile and pregnant.

On October 17, my family and friends in West Virginia threw the most fabulous West Virginia University tailgate themed baby shower a girl could hope for. My baby boy was spoiled with all of the gifts, books and wishes our guests brought to share with him. My heart was full and just thinking about seeing all of those people, gathered together to celebrate the impending arrival of my son gets me teary-eyed.

But, apparently, the six hour trek from my home in North Carolina to the place I grew up in West Virginia took a toll on this pregnant lady.

I came back tired, but ready to get back to my life and to get a nursery ready for our little man. However, when I returned to my regular OB appointment, my doctor noticed elevated blood pressures.... so much so that I spent several hours having serial blood pressures and a non-stress test for the baby at my local hospital. To say it was unexpected was an understatement.

That evening was not a good one. Dr. S was not the on-call doc in Labor and Delivery, so I saw another doc from his practice. We didn't "click" to say the least. However, I was able to talk with Dr. S after I left and I felt good about our plan. My pressures had been good at the hospital and my little guy was not stressed in the least.  A follow up with Dr. S later that week and a blood pressure med to manage the levels was the plan of action.

At the follow up, we talked about when I would need to "leave" work. Teaching is a huge part of who I am, but I knew at some point I would have to take a break. In fact, my Type A self had planned to work up to Thanksgiving and then start my maternity leave about 3 weeks before my due date. What I have learned as the first rule of motherhood is that things change faster than you know, and you don't always have the last word about it.

I returned to school and had a wonderful shower hosted by my colleagues. Everyone there already knew what was coming, but I refused to admit it.

As such, my doctor asked me to stop working on October 27. As of now, I am dealing with gestational hypertension and have been ordered to relax as much as possible so my baby can grow as strong and healthy as he can over the next several weeks.

I had my regular appointment with Dr. S on Monday. My little guy is measuring in the 75th percentile, so he is getting nice and strong. However, I'm only 33 weeks, so we want to keep him where he is for at least a few more weeks. As it stands now, I will not have a Christmas baby... instead my little one will be here closer to Thanksgiving.

But, it's hard for a Type A like me to let things go. I want to put together the baby's nursery (which is a jumble of guest room/ boxes and packages from the shower.) I want to finish converting our office to the guest room. I want to nest and make my house perfect before I bring our son home. But, the second rule of motherhood I have found, is that you can't always have what you want. Sometimes you just have to decide what is more important.

So, when my baby comes home, everything might not be just as I want it to be. He might be sleeping in the bassinet of the pack and play in my bedroom (which is probably where I will want him anyway.) But, the most important part is that my baby will come when it is the right time for him to come. Right now, relaxing isn't about me. Staying off my feet isn't a luxury.

Right now, I am resting for two. So, even though it feels as though I have too much time on my hands that could be spent doing "better" things, I just have to remember I am doing the one thing I have wanted to do for so long.... giving my child the chance to come into our family strong, healthy and when he is ready.

Comments

  1. Hang in there, Becky! You're almost at the finish line.

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  2. Our daughter slept in the bassinet of our PNP for two months before she was moved to her crib. There are only a few things that you really NEED when your son gets here- the rest can wait! Enjoy the belly kicks and rest up!

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