A New Direction

It's Becky again and I'm in my cerebral place where Jeremy tells me to get out of my head. I've been thinking a lot about fear, success, failure and what my life's path is supposed to be lately. I've been trying to come to terms with the next step Jeremy and I are taking in the infertility journey. I've also been trying to decide how much is too much to share, being that I promised not to inundate you with TMI way back when I stated this blog. So, in the name of full disclosure, I'm going to share a bit that some of you might find personal. It's OK if you don't want to read, but it's necessary to explain what's happening so you might understand my personal fear factor.

In the next few weeks, Jeremy and I will be undergoing our first IUI (inter-uterine insemination) fertility treatment (hopefully). I've been on meds to get me ready and I'll be monitored to see if my body has responded properly. If it does, then we head back to the doctors at UNC Fertility and give this treatment a try. It's considered the low tech end of ART (assisted reproductive technology) and a first line when the meds alone don't help you achieve pregnancy. It's kind of the “no big deal” of the ART world. (There, I think I explained it without too many of the gory details.)

The fact of the matter is, though, IUI feels like a big deal to me. I mean, medically, there is no surgical element or dangerous procedure. It's a simple outpatient procedure that only takes a few minutes. It's simple.... so I should be ok with things, right?

But, I guess it's much like any first step in a new direction: laden with possibility that is simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying. On one hand, we're trying something new. On the other hand, statistics tell us IUI only has about a 25% chance of working in any given month. So, even though my hopes are relatively high, I'm trying to temper them with a healthy dose of realism.

For those of you who have been following along since the beginning of the blog, I would also like to share my reflections on my interactions with both of my doctors. As many of you might remember, I was not enamored with Dr. M from UNC. He felt cold and detached from my case. I will say that since I have moved toward IUI, he has been really great about answering my questions via email and letting me know what should be done next. He's also been great about letting me work with my local OBGYN to arrange monitoring so I don't have to miss work. As far as Dr. S goes, he's been great as usual. I've been very open with him about the way I feel regarding Dr. M. Dr. S understands my personality since he's worked with me for so long, and even tells me I'm not crazy for asking a million questions. In this moment, I definitely feel like I have a good team who is doing everything they can to help me become a mother.

I guess I am sharing this scary, hopeful chapter of our infertility journey because I know the next several weeks will be full of crazy emotions. Jeremy and I will be on a rollercoaster that we wish we knew how to end. We will be waiting to find out if we can go forward with IUI, then waiting for the correct timing for the procedure, then waiting to find out if the procedure was successful. We're going to be on pins and needles, continuously hoping for the best. And, if it doesn't work on the first go round, we will repeat again for at least a month or two.

So, dear friends, wish us luck as we take he first steps in our new path. I'm not sure how much I'll update as we move along this journey. I'm going to do what feels right to me, as I have all along. But, if you think of the two of us over the next few weeks, we would gladly accept your thoughts, prayers, positive vibes or other positive energy you want to put out into the universe. The loving support we have received as we have moved through the last several months has been an incredible source of comfort, both for me and for Jeremy. We're grateful for the phone calls, emails and other words of support we have been offered. Thank you all for sending us your love and understanding.