The Best of What's Around


Disappointment has a name. In this moment it is “canceled cycle.” After all of my nerves and anxiety for the impending IUI cycle, we were canceled before it even had much of a chance. I guess I'm getting better at dealing with these things because I don't feel absolutely devastated. I'm actually grateful that my doctors are not wasting my money and my hope on fruitless endeavors. Here's your fair warning... I'm going to give a more detailed explanation.
 
In order to do IUI, I continued the drug Clomid to induce what they call “superovulation.” I sounds pretty cool, and maybe it is, but my body doesn't seem to want to cooperate. They did an ultrasound mid way through my cycle to see if I had mature follicles (which become egg producers). Dr. M wanted 2-3 mature follicles to make IUI worth my money. I had 0 which were actually mature. I have a couple that are about half way there. So, it's a no go since he doesn't think it's worth it.
 
Here's the thing; I guess I am getting better at finding the blessings in the curses. I feel totally confident in my doctors and I'm even coming around to liking Dr. M a little bit. The whole process for monitoring my cycle was complicated. Dr. S's office did they actual ultrasound monitoring and was tasked with passing it along to UNC. The technician who did the ultrasound couldn't tell me anything so I had to wait for Dr. S or Dr. M to call me with results. I waited all day and nothing. So, I did what I always do as my fallback and harassed Dr. S via email. That poor man probably rues the day he ever gave me his email address.
 
Here's the complicated part. I had my ultrasound on Friday, so Dr. S's office is closed on Saturday. I emailed him knowing full well it was the weekend and he could ignore my email or tell me to go to hell (ok, so the second is not likely, but it was not the work week, so he could have ignored my email). He didn't. At 7 o'clock on a Saturday, he emailed me. Then, he did more research and emailed me again at 7:30. Finally, he actually drove to his office and wrote up a report for me to send to Carolina, at 9:30 at night on a Saturday. Pretty amazing if you ask me.
 
Here's the even more amazing part. When I forwarded the email to Dr. Mesen at 9:45, he replied back around 10 pm with his detailed opinion and suggestions for next cycle. He asked me a couple of questions, which I promptly answered. I asked him for one more opinion and he emailed me back around 10:30, all on a Saturday night.
 
I guess I could draw two conclusions from my interactions with my doctors. First, I could assume that neither has a life and they live for nothing other than work. I am pretty certain that is wrong. The more likely conclusion is that they are actually really looking out for me and have my best interest at heart all of the time. I really feel like both of them went above and beyond the call of duty dealing with my issues on a weekend. Today, I am really grateful for both of my doctors and the care I have received.

So, now we hope and pray that the dosage changes for next cycle make my ovaries more Wonder Woman-esque (get it, “superovulation” :)). As my mom used to say, I'm going to cross my fingers and hope really hard for a different result next month. In the mean time, I'm going to enjoy my life and feel confident knowing I have doctors who are really looking out for me.

In the midst of all of this back and forth emailing, Jeremy and I were hosting some friends at our house last night. The universe really works in mysterious ways because I am completely grateful for the laughs and conversation that kept me occupied as I thought about all of this. It was nice to have a couple of ladies to chat with and just relax.

I titled this post with the title of a Dave Matthews Band song. Here's the lyrics to a bit of it:
 
Hey my friend
It seems your eyes are troubled
Care to share your time with me
Would you say you're feeling low and so
A good idea would be to get it off your mind
 
See you and me
Have a better time than most can dream
Have it better than the best
So we can pull on through
Whatever tears at us
Whatever holds us down
And if nothing can be done
We'll make the best of what's around
 
Turns out not where but who you're with
That really matters
And hurts not much when you're around
And if you hold on tight
To what you think is your thing
You may find you're missing all the rest

Perhaps it's because Jeremy and I are headed to Charlotte to see the band on Wednesday, but the words to this song rang through my mind as I thought about this experience with my canceled cycle. The chorus says "turns out not where, but who you're with that really matters." That feels really true here. I have such great, supportive friends and family who are helping me through. I have a husband who won't let me quit on myself, even when this feels unbearable. I also know I have two doctors on this team who are looking out for me and my husband. No matter what obstacles may lie in our path to parenthood, I know everyone on "Team Baby Wilson" will help me make the "best of what's around."






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