It’s all been done before, but here it goes again

           I recently got a new cell phone when the contract on the old one was up.  There is a standard process that yields the best results at our house. Jeremy evaluates all of the options, buys the phone, plays with it, then convinces me I should get the same one. That’s what happened again this time. So, I had to do all the things that go along with getting a new phone: merging contacts, setting up email and creating ringtones. I, like most people I know, have one main ringtone for my phone. However, “important” people who call often get their own ringtones so I know without looking who is calling me. Jen has one, (Hey Soul Sister), Dad has one (Kashmir), Jeremy has one (Moves Like Jagger) and so on. Usually, it’s a song that makes me think of them or something they like. So, I decided with the new phone, Dr. S and Dr. M will get their own ringtones. I mean, it IS important that I know when they (or the nurses at their offices) are calling, and they call pretty frequently anymore. So, like everything I do, I gave their ringtones far too much thought.  Since I don’t often have conversations with my doctors about their musical preferences, I am sticking to things that make me think of their respective offices, or maybe even them specifically.

Meanwhile, I’m getting ready to once again try for IUI. Dr. M wants me to come to UNC this cycle to have my ultrasound, so I think Dr. S is feeling a bit disconnected, as he emailed to remind me to “keep him in the loop” about things so he can schedule my blood work. Last month Dr. S coordinated my ultrasound, but since the meds didn’t work out, Dr. M wants to be able to talk if we end up in the same place after increased doses of the meds and this ultrasound. Fingers crossed that this dose creates enough mature follicles for IUI, but it’s good to know he is ready to make other plans if it doesn’t work out. I’m trying to walk the line between optimism and realism, but it can go either way based on the day.

So, as I dialed the office at UNC, I was thinking of the fact that I had not yet assigned them a ringtone. I had one in mind for Dr. S’s office, but Dr. M’s office was alluding me. A couple of weeks ago, Jeremy and I spent two nights in Charlotte to take in a couple of concerts. My favorite band, Dave Matthews Band, came to town on Wednesday night, while Barenaked Ladies and Ben Folds Five were playing on Thursday. Seeing both bands planted some seeds in my mind with regards to some appropriate songs for ringtones. But what was the right one?

On Monday, I spoke with a very friendly nurse a UNC who was quite unfamiliar with my file. She sweetly asked if this was my first time using Clomid. I replied that it was my 10^th time using Clomid, so I was a veteran now. She responded that I must find this very “been there, done that.” She laughed as we chatted for a minute and she told me the protocol for the next cycle and politely scheduled the appointment. It hit me then; I found the perfect ringtones that even complement each other.

Dr. S’s ringtone had to be upbeat, a little bit peppy and optimistic to mirror his outlook on my situation. However, I needed something that paid tribute to the situation I have been through since I’ve been a patient at his office. Solution: “Here It Goes Again” by OK GO!

Here’s a sample: “Just when you think you’re in control, just when you think you’ve got a hold,  just when you get on a roll, oh here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again…oh here it goes again. I should have known, should have known, should have known again. Oh, here it goes again.” Pretty appropriate, right? Every time I have tried to be in control, when I think I have a handle on it, here it goes again. But, it makes you smile and want to dance, so it gets the upbeat vibe as well.

Dr. M’s didn’t have to be so peppy. He is a realist (someone on Team Baby Wilson called him Mr. Positivity ironically) and he doesn’t get overly enthusiastic. He has a very laid back attitude that makes me think my case is boring to him sometimes. So, for UNC and Dr. M, a little Barenaked Ladies, “It’s All Been Done Before.”

“Woo-hoo-hoo.. it’s all been done. Woo-hoo-hoo.. it’s all been done. Woo-hoo-hoo.. it’s all been done before. ” Been there, done that, but we're going to do it again. This time, we'll see if we can get it worked out for you.

I’ve learned along the way that laughter is the best coping mechanism in infertility. On the days when Jeremy and I both feel so broken and aren’t sure how much longer we’ll be able to do this, laughter is what brings us back together and makes us feel whole again. Some silly thing one of us says or does shows us that even the serious stuff isn’t all that serious. For instance, when I was writing this blog post, I told Jeremy about my ideas. He suggested a different Barenaked Ladies song for UNC. His idea was "If I Had $1,000,000" since this whole process seems to be about that much. A little levity is always welcome here. We can laugh about the fact that, even though it’s all been done before, here it goes again…