Care on Five Minute Friday
In this 31 days of blogging experiment, I'm trying out a few new things. The thing I have found to be the absolute hardest is blogging on Fridays after working (ie leaving my heart and soul in my classroom and with my students) for five solid days. Other days might be slightly challenging to get just right, but Friday is DISASTROUS!
Enter my new find-- 5 Minute Friday.
The premise is simple. I will look at the blog for the prompt and write for 5 uninterrupted minutes without much self-editing or concern for grammatical perfection. I remember this exercise from middle school language arts... so it's worth a go... especially if it fills the Friday writing void. So, here goes nothing.
It's a simple word, really. One that brings me back to my earliest years and the Care Bears that covered my walls back in the 80's. It's the notion I learned first in this world, at the hands of my mother and grandmothers. Something that was ever-present and more plentiful than I even realized.
As an adult, sometimes I care too much. Sometimes I give too much of myself to the wrong things, or to too many things.
As a teacher, there is always one more thing you can do. One more perfect lesson. One more intervention for a child, One more phone call to a parent. One more way to connect. But, at the end of the day, I honestly think it is showing the students that we care, that we see who they are and love them for all of those wonderfully unique traits, more than any awesome lesson, that tells them we are glad they are part of our class.
Of course, no state test measures care. That definitely isn't on the Teacher Effectiveness Evaluation Tool.
In my infertility struggle, care has been difficult for me. I am grateful for the superbly human touch of the medical care I have received at the hands of Dr. S. I was emotionally wounded by the lack of care that came from Dr. M. I have been overwhelmed with the love and care shown to me by friends and family on Team One Tough Egg. I have been surprised at the depth of care I have for women I will never meet. I never knew how many faces care could have.
More than anything, it is remarkable how difficult it is to allow myself to care about me and my own mental and physical wellbeing during this struggle. In this entire thing, I have cared about Jeremy and whether he'll ever be the father he wants to be. I've cared about whether his mom will ever be a grandmother. I care about being a mother more than I care to even acknowledge right now.
But, about myself... sometimes I don't know how much I care. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but I think it's a natural response from any woman who wears this hat as long as I have.
But, I feel like a vessel without a purpose, a childless mother who can't manage to get pregnant. I think I don't deserve care from myself or from anyone else because I can't be what I need to be, what I yearn to be.
But, regardless of whether or not I deserve it, I receive it.
From my students.
From so many people who propel me forward, whether or not they realize they are.
But that's just it. You don't have to earn anyone's care. When someone cares, they just do. They give it freely and it's non-refundable.
So, what do you think? What is care to you? If you're a blogger, head on over to the link on the right and join in the Five Minute Friday fun! If you're not, share your ideas in the comment section below. I would love to hear from you!