Testosterone Thursday: Sometimes, you just need to hold on a little tighter

I've made an executive decision. I'm calling all of Jeremy's Thursday blog posts "Testosterone Thursday" since it's the injection of the necessary male energy around here. He hasn't failed me yet, but boy he must want some brownie points with the sweet things he says in his posts. Here's the latest installment about the way infertility has changed us as a couple. 


Infertility is a crucible. We have been “successfully” married for 10 years, faithfully, to each other. Yet I feel as if our struggle with fertility is similar to those who are going through any major even that shakes the very foundation of the institution, something akin to infidelity. You think that you are defective, or that the other blames you, or that they would be better off without you, or that you are holding the other back from their hopes and dreams, or... any other on a laundry list of inadequacies. There are really only three ways the struggle of infertility can end: becoming parents (by whatever means), accept the reality of a life of childlessness, or break-up and move on.

Nothing is guaranteed regardless of your parental status. All couples that face the hurdle of infertility want to have a child. Some succeed in achieving pregnancy; some adopt;  live a life without children, no matter how hard they try to have them. The only thing that can be completely controlled is how you handle it.As humans, it is only reality that we will have moments of weakness, when we struggle with the decisions and path before us. But, as the Pauschs would say, you have to realize what is “not helpful.” and move on.

The point is, you either move closer to or further from your partner during this trial. While we aren't perfect, and really who is, it seems like Becky and I are choosing to be closer though this. The only way to make it through, no matter what the outcome, is to just love a little more (as if that is possible)... and just hold on a little tighter... especially through the dark times.

Comments

  1. Beautiful and true. We have moved closer, but as decisions get harder and the loss and grief piles up, it definitely takes a toll. Nothing insurmountable, but I love the "realize what's not helpful and move on" message. Continue to adjust and be open to all the perspectives that get thrown out there. Thank you for this!

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