Sometimes, A Step Backwards Is How to Move Forward
Maybe this is cheating on the 31 days of blogging, but today's post comes from Jeremy. Enjoy his thoughts on where we are in our journey at this moment. If you happen to be one of the folks he is talking about here, maybe you could contact us or drop him a line.
Ok, husband back again. Beck and I spent this past weekend with some old college friends. I always think it is both funny and amazing what happens when you get a group of people who spent so much time together after so many years. No matter where we are or how we've grown, we all end up back in those roles that we had so many years ago. We are a group of people who spent a large amount of our formative years together and, for the most part, were so much better because of it.
This led me down a train of thought (and unfortunately not in the bed to recover missing sleep before work...) about my own history and of those that have meant much to me. Of course the group I was with this past weekend would be on the list, but also those I grew up with, those other college friends, those online friends (go 4DACAT5), and those that I have grown accustomed to in my new home away from home in NC (even though I will always be a mountaineer).
First, to know me is to know that I am an introvert. I am naturally, painfully shy in new situations around groups of people. To make matters worse, I have a great combination of foot-in-mouth disease and self consciousness. I just know I will say the wrong thing at the wrong time and offend someone that I have absolutely no intention of offending. It causes me to lose touch with a long list of people because I fear that I will mess up something.
Additionally, I have always had an issue with focusing on the here and now to a fault. There have been times I have lost my way (junior year of college, grad school in GA); times I have had major personal/family issues of loss (the illnesses and deaths of my mother-in-law, grandmother-in-law, and father); times of personal difficulty (some of schools where I was laid off or just did not fit in with the rest of the school); and now, obviously, the constantly looming specter of infertility.
I am writing this post for three major reasons. First, I am sorry to all of those people (past, present, and future) whom I have slighted or lost touch with because I am too nervous to pick up the phone, send the text, or type the e-mail. Secondly, I am thankful for each and everyone of you. I have no idea where I would be right now in my life without you all.... but this weekend and my current state of being has me feeling happier than I have in a good long while (only one obviously missing piece to be perfect). Finally, this is an open invite and a request to all of you to reach out to me. Even though I feel great at this point in time... the infertility issue rears its ugly head in a very acute way sometimes. Sometimes I just need to get by with a little help with my friends. Sometimes I just need a guys poker night.
I would be remiss if I didn't thank the most important person... Becky. You have always given me direction when I had none, kept me from falling on my own sword or drowning in my own sorrows, and pushed me forward when I needed it. You help keep the foot out of my mouth and hand me the cell when I need to reach out. You are the greatest supporter I have, or will ever know. I am so glad that we travel this road together... I just sometimes need to know it is not always us against the world.