The New Normal

Today was the day I almost cracked. It was almost too much and I almost gave up short of my goal.

No, I'm not talking about infertility and giving up on becoming a mother. I'm talking about the 31 Days of Blogging.

I've pretty much decided I'm talking to about 11 people on this blog. So, fabulous 11, HELLO!

I think 12 is too large a number. I believe about 11 people consistently read my blog. Included in this number are: my mother-in-law, my sister, 4 of my "infertility sisters," my own "self-check" of the blog, at least 3 miscellaneous family members, and some person that is wondering why there aren't egg recipes on this site. Notice I don't say Jeremy. He binge reads once he thinks about it.

In all seriousness, I think my readership has dwindled the harder I push. So, I have backed off and I don't promote the blog much on my personal Facebook page. When a topic really feels right, I share. However, for the most part, I keep it to myself. If you're still reading along, thanks so much for the support.

That's why it would have been so easy to opt out tonight. It's the end of the grading period, so I'm updating grades and fielding parent questions like crazy. I revamped two lessons based on assessment feedback from students that showed they weren't where I wanted them to be... at least not yet. I am packing for a birthday party in West Virginia this weekend and trying to figure out how to squeeze a tiny visit with the nieces (and my sister, of course). It's also Spirit Week at school and I have football game duty this week. Needless to say, I'm feeling a bit swamped.

But, Jeremy said I couldn't take the easy way out, that I needed to write for day 21, because as any good infertile knows, day 21 is important. But, Day 21 was never easy for me. It never came naturally and, like so many things in infertility, was something I had to overcome and make peace with.

Lots of OBGYNs and the like will tell you it's crucial to have your ovulation blood work done on day 21. If you're at this as long as I have been, you know day 21 only works if you're textbook. Truly, if you were "textbook," you likely wouldn't be at this as long as I have been.

However, somewhere in the neighborhood of day 21, I had bloodtests done to see if there was even a small chance I could be pregnant. For most people. this is nothing. However, for the needle-phobe, this was a huge change.

Over the last two years, I have developed a relationship with the phlebotomist at Dr. S's office. Her name is Billie and I have heard about her kids, her vacations, her diets, her hobbies... anything that distracts me from the needle in my vein. She's really good and never needs more than one stick. She is friendly and knows I don't want to see what she's doing. I trust her to do her job and I do mine--- staying upright and not losing it in the doctor's office.

A couple of visits ago, when Dr. S and I were talking about injectible drugs for my potential IUI cycles, he said the injections would become "no big deal." I admitted that, in the era of BI (before Infertility) I was terrible with needles. I remember a time when I was roughly ten when my mother and three nurses had to physically restrain me when I had bloodwork. I'm pretty sure I climbed under a chair in a doctor's office when my mother had dressed me in a frilly dress and I had my "going to kindergarten"shots.

In truth, infertility has taught me you can get used to pretty much anything. I never thought I would routinely and calmly walk into my doctor's office and have blood drawn voluntarily. Heck, I never thought I would be the person my OBGYN knows by sight.  I don't know if I completely buy that I will get used to shooting drugs into my stomach once or twice a day, but I've found a new normal again and again. In fact, I don't even remember what normal used to look like.

Comments

  1. Life sure is crazy, isn't it? If infertility has taught me anything, it's taught me that life never turns out the way I think it will.

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  2. That's definitely true! Thanks for stopping by the blog and commenting... especially since you're not one of the 11 I mentioned (unless you were looking for egg recipes :))

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  3. Nice post- interesting about your changed response to the needles. It reminds me of how, after my pregnancy first loss, I had a period of not caring what anyone thought of me (vs my usual self-consciousness). Weird how the trials in one area can lighten something in another area.

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  4. I didn't have a problem with getting blood drawn prior to infertility- in fact, I regularly gave blood. What made me nervous was giving myself the shots in my stomach. But like everything, it's just something that becomes the new normal (at least for that week+).

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  5. I've never liked giving blood...but IF cured me of that. I now know which arm is best for draws and which needle works best. It's amazing how things change in just a few years!

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  6. Ha! I feel like I'm only talking to about 5 people on my blog. And yes, me doing the self-check is on that list as well ;)

    I give props to those that need to give themselves injections. I've thought so many times I could never do it, but I'm sure if I was faced with a situation where I needed to, I'd get used to it.

    Good luck with the rest of your blogging challenge! I'm planning on participating in NaBloPoMo next month. I've done it the last two Novembers and have gotten slightly better each year. Blogging every day is a huge challenge!

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  7. I hope I'm included in your count! :)
    And I completely agree, infertility will change you in almost every way. I hope this new normal doesn't last long for you. And great job with the 31 day challenge so far! It's not for the weak of heart!

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  8. I read - I can't do daily but I check in every now and then. I found a link to your blog from one of the infertility sites. I am rooting for you! I guess you can count me as miscellaneous person, but not looking for egg recipes. - Heidi

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  9. Ahh.. I used to be the same with needles in the past. Now, I (barely) bat an eye. Even the needles in the stomach don't bother me much anymore. I guess this marks after fertility struggles. Ugh.

    Following your journey and hoping the best for you.

    Nicole, fellow PCOS sufferer
    pcosandpizza.blogspot.com

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