The New Normal

Today was the day I almost cracked. It was almost too much and I almost gave up short of my goal.

No, I'm not talking about infertility and giving up on becoming a mother. I'm talking about the 31 Days of Blogging.

I've pretty much decided I'm talking to about 11 people on this blog. So, fabulous 11, HELLO!

I think 12 is too large a number. I believe about 11 people consistently read my blog. Included in this number are: my mother-in-law, my sister, 4 of my "infertility sisters," my own "self-check" of the blog, at least 3 miscellaneous family members, and some person that is wondering why there aren't egg recipes on this site. Notice I don't say Jeremy. He binge reads once he thinks about it.

In all seriousness, I think my readership has dwindled the harder I push. So, I have backed off and I don't promote the blog much on my personal Facebook page. When a topic really feels right, I share. However, for the most part, I keep it to myself. If you're still reading along, thanks so much for the support.

That's why it would have been so easy to opt out tonight. It's the end of the grading period, so I'm updating grades and fielding parent questions like crazy. I revamped two lessons based on assessment feedback from students that showed they weren't where I wanted them to be... at least not yet. I am packing for a birthday party in West Virginia this weekend and trying to figure out how to squeeze a tiny visit with the nieces (and my sister, of course). It's also Spirit Week at school and I have football game duty this week. Needless to say, I'm feeling a bit swamped.

But, Jeremy said I couldn't take the easy way out, that I needed to write for day 21, because as any good infertile knows, day 21 is important. But, Day 21 was never easy for me. It never came naturally and, like so many things in infertility, was something I had to overcome and make peace with.

Lots of OBGYNs and the like will tell you it's crucial to have your ovulation blood work done on day 21. If you're at this as long as I have been, you know day 21 only works if you're textbook. Truly, if you were "textbook," you likely wouldn't be at this as long as I have been.

However, somewhere in the neighborhood of day 21, I had bloodtests done to see if there was even a small chance I could be pregnant. For most people. this is nothing. However, for the needle-phobe, this was a huge change.

Over the last two years, I have developed a relationship with the phlebotomist at Dr. S's office. Her name is Billie and I have heard about her kids, her vacations, her diets, her hobbies... anything that distracts me from the needle in my vein. She's really good and never needs more than one stick. She is friendly and knows I don't want to see what she's doing. I trust her to do her job and I do mine--- staying upright and not losing it in the doctor's office.

A couple of visits ago, when Dr. S and I were talking about injectible drugs for my potential IUI cycles, he said the injections would become "no big deal." I admitted that, in the era of BI (before Infertility) I was terrible with needles. I remember a time when I was roughly ten when my mother and three nurses had to physically restrain me when I had bloodwork. I'm pretty sure I climbed under a chair in a doctor's office when my mother had dressed me in a frilly dress and I had my "going to kindergarten"shots.

In truth, infertility has taught me you can get used to pretty much anything. I never thought I would routinely and calmly walk into my doctor's office and have blood drawn voluntarily. Heck, I never thought I would be the person my OBGYN knows by sight.  I don't know if I completely buy that I will get used to shooting drugs into my stomach once or twice a day, but I've found a new normal again and again. In fact, I don't even remember what normal used to look like.